“Fluffy
Takes A Holiday”
By:
Cory Parker
The bridge crew of the U.S.S
Haymaker was absolutely and completely bored.
Halloway was continuously checking the time, LaCroix had her head buried
in a beauty magazine, Halvox and Gabriel were playing a computer game, and both
Benn and Bannon seemed to be asleep.
“Anything new?” yawned Halloway as he checked the ship’s
chronometer.
“Nope,” replied Halvox with a quick
glance at her station. “Aside from
those prank distress calls, and those bizarre energy spikes, nothing has
happened in days.”
“Well, you know this crew. Something always happens,” stated the
captain with a half-smile. The bridge
was silent for a moment. Halloway
quickly lost his grin; his dream of instant adventure dashed to
smithereens.
“Nothing happened,” noted LaCroix as
she continued reading.
“Thanks for the update, Commander.”
“Any time.”
“That was sarcasm.”
“I know.” Halloway sighed and drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair
as he checked the clock again. There
was still fifteen minutes left on their shifts.
“Well, maybe there will be a
distress call or something tomorrow…You can all leave early today.” Everyone uttered words of thanks and
quickly left the bridge. Halloway was
going to go with them when he remembered that the bridge would be unmanned if
he left. “Dammit…” he cursed under his
breath as the last of his shift left.
He then checked the clock again and sighed as he watched the
viewscreen.
Lt. Comm. Gabriel sighed with relief as he entered
his quarters. “What a day,” he
murmured to himself. He let his bulky
frame fall onto the re-enforced bed (he had broken it twice already from his
tossing and turning while asleep).
“Computer, review schedule for tomorrow.”
“0800: Report for duty. 1200: Department meeting/lunch. 1800: Get off-duty.”
“Wonderful.” Gabriel rolled onto his stomach and passed
his hand under his bed as he searched for the two things that would bring him a
peaceful end to an otherwise dull day.
“Come on…you couldn’t have slid that far underneath here…” Frustrated, Gabriel slid to the edge and
peered underneath. He was immediately
greeted by the realization that he could not find his teddy bear and blue
blanket because they were not there.
It was at this time Gabriel panicked.
It was a discomforting feeling, one that grew by the minute. He began to search his room
franticaly. However, since the room
was so spartan, it didn’t take very long.
Gabriel growled and thought for a moment. There was only one explanation for his beloved bear’s
disappearance. “Whoever took Fluffy is
a dead man…” he mumbled before he stormed out of his quarters to find his teddy
bear.
“Is there something that I can help
you with?” asked Ensign Pratt with an anxious smile on his face. It wasn’t often that people visited him way
down on Deck 15. In fact, this was the
first time. Ever. And from a senior officer, no less.
“I…wish to report a lost item,”
rumbled Lt. Comm. Gabriel. Pratt’s
grin widened as he grabbed a PADD and set it in front of Gabriel.
“That’s great!” Gabriel glared at him. His smile faded. “I mean, not for you, for me…No, wait, I don’t mean that
either…”
“Forget about it.” Pratt swallowed nervously and placed his
attention on the job at hand. Gabriel
completed the form and handed it back to Pratt.
“I don’t get many visitors to the
Department of Absent/Misplaced/Missing Items and Things. Dammit.” said Pratt as he looked over the
PADD. Gabriel raised an eyebrow in
confusion.
“Problem?”
“You have a problem?”
“No, I was asking if you had one.”
“No, what makes you think that I
do?” The security chief sighed deeply.
“You swore.”
Pratt thought for a moment, then laughed.
“DAMMIT. Department of Absent/Misplaced/Missing Items and Things. It’s an acronym.”
“I see.” Pratt turned his attentions back to the PADD.
“It says here that you are missing a
piece of blue fabric approximately one square meter, and a…” Pratt started laughing as he read the next
item. “A teddy bear??? You own a teddy bear??? That’s the funniest thing I have
ever…ERKK!” With a sudden burst of
speed, Gabriel lashed out his right arm and lifted Pratt up with his claw
wrapped around his neck. As the ensign
gasped for air, Gabriel began to speak slowly.
“If you wish to walk out of this
office at the end the day, with all of your limbs, appendages, and extremities
intact, I suggest that you take that comment back.” Pratt nodded as best he could.
Gabriel let him drop back into his seat. “Good. Now, how long
should it be before I get Fluffy back?”
Pratt started to laugh at the mention of the bear’s name, but wisely
kept his mouth shut.
“Well, I have to process the form,
and then the computer will do a passive deck by deck search. Since the…items in question are so small, a
complete scan of the entire ship is in order.”
“How long?”
“2 to 6 weeks.” Pratt was hoisted up into the air
again.
“2 to 6 weeks!?! I CAN”T WAIT THAT LONG!!!” Pratt tried replying, but as his air supply
was being blocked off, not much was coming out. Gabriel tossed him back down again. After a brief coughing fit, Pratt took in a deep breath, and
checked the PADD.
“I’ll mark the form ‘URGENT’,” he
said as he tapped the PADD.
“How does that help?”
“It doesn’t, really. It’s supposed to make you feel better.”
“It doesn’t. Contact me the moment they are found.” Gabriel started to walk off. “And Ensign Pratt?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Do me a favor, and keep this
quiet. Am I clear?”
“Crystal, Commander.”
“Good.” Pratt let a sigh of relief go as the security chief left his
small office. He then turned to the
computer and began processing the form.
“Do I even want to know?” asked
Halloway as he and Commander LaCroix sat in his office.
“Probably not.”
“Well, tell me anyway.” LaCroix sighed and repeated the message
that had been sent earlier that day.
“’In desperate need of large
quantities of attractive females and alcoholic beverages. Send help quick, signed, the Guys,’” she
quoted.
“The fraternity again?”
“The one on Lampara IV,
correct. They seem, to use an old
Earth term, ‘to have our phone number’.”
“And they’re using it for prank
calls. This is the fourth message
since last Tuesday?”
“Fifth message. We would block them, except that’s against
regs.”
“Isn’t everything?” grumbled
Halloway as he stared out his window.
“Well, as long as they don’t really have an emergency, we’ll just try
our best to handle them until they get tired and stop.” LaCroix nodded in approval. “Anything else, besides the frat and those
strange readings we have been receiving?”
The commander coughed and shifted position. Halloway’s ears peaked with interest as he turned his head to
face LaCroix. “Oh, this should be
good.” She nodded aloofly and slid a
PADD towards the captain. “What’s
this?” he asked after looking it over for a moment.
“Dammit.”
“Look, all I did was ask. No need to get snippy.”
“No, it’s from the Department of
Absent/Misplaced/Missing Items and Things.”
“We have a Department of
Absent/Misplaced/Missing Items and Things?”
“Apparently so. Ensign Pratt runs it.”
“Ensign who?”
“No kidding.” Halloway sighed and read the form.
“Lt. Comm. Gabriel has lost
something, eh? A blue piece of cloth
and a…you have to be sh*tting me.”
“I sh*t thee not, Captain. Gabriel’s lost his teddy bear.” LaCroix giggled and a wide grin grew on her
angelic face. She produced a mirror
out of her uniform and began studying her hair meticulously.
“He’s the last person I would expect
to have a teddy bear,” remarked Halloway through a grin of his own. “Why are we even looking at this form? It looks like Pratt has the authority to do
this scan of the ship it mentions.”
“It’s marked URGENT,” said LaCroix,
pointing to the flashing word on the PADD.
“So?”
“Needs captain’s approval for a more
intense, detailed scan.”
“That’s all URGENT means?” asked
Halloway. “Nothing else? Hell, I’ll sign it.” The captain pressed his thumb on the PADD
and tossed it back to her. He then
grinned and looked out his window. “I
hope he finds his teddy bear soon. The
mere fact that he has a teddy bear says that it is important to him.” The smile suddenly dropped from Halloway’s
face. “God help us all if he can’t
find it.”
Gabriel clenched his teeth as he
took his station. He was NOT handling
the loss of Fluffy well. To make
matters worse, word was beginning to spread.
Apparently, after confronting Pratt about it, he discovered that both
Halloway and LaCroix had to review the form once it was marked ‘URGENT’. Halloway was probably keeping his mouth
shut, but Gabriel was willing to bet real money that LaCroix wasn’t. He shook away his thoughts and tried to
concentrate on his duties. He pulled
up the file concerning the somewhat unusual readings the Haymaker had been
registering for the last week. As he
stared at the screen, he noticed his reflection. Only it wasn’t his face he was looking at.
“Gabriel, help meeeeeee!!” yelled
the small, brown face.
“Flu…Fluffy?” stammered Gabriel in
disbelief.
“Gabriel, please! I’m so scared!” said the voice of the teddy
bear. Its little beady bead eyes
glistened as his mouth trembled.
“Where are you?”
“They have me, Gabriel! Don’t leave me here!” Fluffy faded from view, replaced by
Gabriel’s own face.
“Don’t leave, Fluffy!” yelled the
security officer as he reached out at the screen in a vain attempt to rescue
his beloved companion and friend. He
sighed as he lowered his claw. The
bridge crew erupted into laughter.
Gabriel looked up to discover that the entire bridge crew had been privy
to his conversation with his own imagination.
He grunted and refused to acknowledge their joviality. Halloway sighed and looked at LaCroix, who
pretended not to notice.
“Nice job, Commander,” he stated
quietly after no response.
“Thank you, Captain.”
“That was sarcasm, Commander.”
“So was the ‘thank you’,
Captain.”
Ensign Pratt was well underway with
his first official assignment, scanning the ship, deck by deck, room by
room. He wore a pleasant smile on his
face, and as the scanners focused on Lieutenant Benn’s room, his grin widened. “Computer,” he ordered, sliding his chair
closer to the screen, “enhance Grid 18-Beta.
I.E., the sonic shower. Real
time stream.” The computer beeped and
began to display the shower, which just happened to be in use at the time. Just as Jenna appeared in all her glory on
the monitor, a clawed, dark red hand placed itself over the Commander. Pratt yelped in surprise as he looked up
into Gabriel’s frowning face.
“Busy looking, I see.” Pratt quickly changed the scan to another
part of the ship.
“I…uh…I’m using a multiple scanning
technique to…cover more ground, and speed the process up…sir,” he finished
stammering out.
“Have you found him yet?”
“Who? Oh, yes. Your
bear. Unfortunately, not yet. I have only scanned 15% of the ship, and it
has been two days since the captain approved of my scan.” Gabriel sighed and walked off. “I’ll be sure to call you when I find
Floppy!” he yelled after him.
“His name’s Fluffy…” muttered Gabriel through
clenched teeth as he continued walking away.
Once he was out of sight, Pratt sighed in nervous relief. He turned back to his screens and was about
to revisit the Trill when a screen behind him brought up an alert. He swiveled around to check it out, and his
brow immediately wrinkled. One phrase
popped into his head, the first phase taught to Starfleet cadets for use when
encountering the new and unexpected.
“What the hell is that?”
“So then the guy goes back up the
mountain a third time, and the goat’s still there, so he pulls out the tongs…”
Chief Monty’s joke was cut off by the sudden arrival of Ensign Pratt into Main
Engineering.
“Chief, look at these readings!” he
stammered between breaths. Monty
quickly snatched the PADD out of Pratt’s hands and began to look it over. The crewmember to which Monty was
addressing his joke to took this opportunity to be elsewhere.
“Ensign, are you aware that I was in
the middle of one of the funniest jokes ever conceived on Rigel IV? Timing is every…Ensign, these are those
strange readings we’ve been seeing since last Tuesday. Most likely a sensor glitch.”
“But, sir, they’re more than just a
glitch!” Monty folded his arms and
smirked in amusement.
“This should be good…”
“My theory, Chief, is that an
intelligence of some sort is on board the Haymaker, hidden from our sensors,
but not completely, because we can get these strange readings from it, and…”
“And this thing stole Gabriel’s
teddy bear and blanket? For what
possible purpose?” Pratt swallowed
hard and gave his answer.
“As a hostage…sir.” The hologram’s laughter could be heard a
deck above and below. Pratt turned as
red as Gabriel’s hide and laughed nervously.
“A hostage…that’s one for the record
books. Hehehehehehehe…” The hologram
stopped laughing when Ensign Pratt shoved another PADD in Monty’s face. “What is…oh, dear.”
“See? That’s definitely something!
My teddy bear hostage theory isn’t so far fetched, is it?”
“Time to go see an expert in this sort of thing,”
said Monty, as he grabbed the ensign and left Main Engineering.
“Is there a reason why I’m back down
here again?” asked Halloway as he stared at the Haymaker’s only prisoner,
Mennol.
“Nice to see you too, Captain,”
muttered the Betazoid from inside his cell.
“Have you figured out a suitable reward for my last efforts?”
“Still working on…stop doing
that!!!” yelled Halloway as he felt Mennol scanning his mind. “You know I don’t like that!”
“Sorry. What do you want now?”
“Ensign Pratt thinks he saw a
bogeyman during a sensor sweep,” stated Monty.
“Hey! It’s not a bogeyman, it’s real!”
“Your ensign is correct,
Captain. I am detecting a presence on
board that wishes to remain hidden.
He’s using some sort of cloaking field to conceal his movements…it’s
similar to those employed by the N’Bari, and are…” Mennol was about to continue when Gabriel stormed into the
brig. “Don’t worry, Commander. I’m on top of returning your stuffed
animal.” The security chief skidded to
a halt and scowled at Ensign Pratt, who was now cowering in fear behind
Halloway. “Oh, for cryin’ out loud…HE
didn’t tell me! I do happen to be able
to read minds, you know! Jeez…”
finished Mennol as he pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down. Gabriel continued for a moment, then turned
to face Mennol, his scowl still on his face.
“Where…is…he…?” he asked slowly,
never taking his gaze off the prisoner.
Mennol rolled his eyes, then thought for a moment.
“He just entered Sickbay.” Gabriel nodded, turned, and quickly exited
the brig.
“Oh, dear…” murmured Pratt. Monty sighed and prepared to transfer back
to Engineering.
“I think that I can disperse the
cloaking field by flooding Sickbay with a field of neutrinos. This is going to take a while to clean up,
that’s for sure,” he finished as the hologram disappeared. Halloway sighed and looked at Mennol.
“What!?!”
“Nothing…Thanks again for the
help.” The Betazoid smiled
slightly.
“That’s two you owe me.” Halloway rolled his eyes and headed for the
door with Ensign Pratt in tow.
“I know, I know. I’m still thinking of something.” Mennol scanned the captain’s mind and
immediately frowned.
“Liar.”
“I trust that you’ll be replacing
that.” The response to Doctor
Clinton’s query consisted of a piece of biobed being thrown at him. Sidestepping the projectile, the doctor
folded his arms and watched as Gabriel tore apart his sickbay. “And that as well.”
“Monty to Sickbay,” came the
engineer’s voice over the comm.
“Clinton here, Chief.”
“Ehhh, what’s up, doc?” Clinton rolled his eyes as the hologram audibly
crunched on something hard for several seconds. “Hehehe…Sorry about that, had to do it.”
“Is there a point to all this,
Chief? My Sickbay IS being torn to
pieces by Gabriel, so I’m rather busy.”
“I’ll keep it brief. Speaking of which, here’s a joke. What kind of underwear does a Vulcan
wear?” Clinton ducked as a piece of
bulkhead flew in his direction.
“Boxers, because they never keep anything brief! Get it?”
“Monty, the reason you called is…?”
“Oh, that’s right. I’m going to flood Sickbay with neutrinos
to expose the cloaked intruder. You
should start to see him in 10-15 seconds.”
“The what? Nobody tells me anything around here anymore…” Clinton turned his head to see Halloway and
Pratt enter Sickbay. The good doctor’s
timing was unfortunate, because at that moment, a tricorder thrown by Gabriel
connected solidly with Clinton’s forehead, knocking him out and sending him to
the floor. “Oww…”
“Lieutenant, stop making a mess,
that’s an order!” yelled Halloway.
“I have to find Fluffy!!!” responded
the enraged security chief. Pratt
began to hide behind Halloway, but suddenly, he shouted and pointed his finger
towards the opposite wall, where a faint outline of a person was beginning to
take shape.
“Uh oh,” muttered the outline. Gabriel snapped his head around and roared,
revealing his razor-sharp canines. The
outline quickly ran out of Sickbay, pushing aside Halloway and Pratt, and disappearing
down the corridor. Gabriel swiftly
dashed after it.
“Halloway to Monty, flood the entire
ship with neutrinos, starting with this deck.”
“That’s going to take a while, Cap.”
“Unless you want Lt. Comm. Gabriel
to dash into Main Engineering and start tearing up the place, I recommend that
you flood the damn ship!”
“Aye, sir. Well, you guys heard the moron, flood the ship!” There was a low voice in the
background. “What do you mean it’s
still on…oops. Monty out.” Halloway chuckled and yanked Pratt by the
arm. “C’mon, Ensign, we have a teddy
bear to rescue.”
Lt. Benn was on her way to the
bridge when an unseen force knocked her down.
She began to pick herself back up when she was once again knocked down,
this time by Gabriel. Checking the
corridor, she stood up. “No time like
the present, Miss Benn,” yelled Halloway as he and Pratt turned the
corner. The captain’s arm reached out
and grabbed hers, and Benn found herself being dragged along for the ride.
“May I ask what the hell is going
on?”
“Gabriel’s found the person
responsible for stealing his teddy bear.”
“Oh, really? And who was the dumbass that took it?”
“Why do you think we’re running
after Gabriel?” Benn mouthed a silent
‘ahh’ in reply. “Computer, location of
Lt. Comm. Gabriel?”
“Lt.
Comm. Gabriel is en route to the bridge, via Jefferies tube 6.” Jenna and Pratt were both yanked by the
collar and dragged into a turbolift.
Stepping onto the bridge a few minutes later, the trio was greeted by
Gabriel with his hands around the invisible intruder.
“It’s about time you got back up
here,” muttered LaCroix as she checked her hair.
“Shut up. Gabriel, let the intruder go.
He’ll be visible in a moment, and besides, he isn’t going
anywhere.”
“Damn right he isn’t.”
“No, that’s not what I…oh, never
mind.” As the intruder came into view,
Gabriel was so startled by his appearance that he almost lost his grip. Almost.
“Let me go!” squealed the man, if he
could be called that. He was rather
thin, not very strong, and wore a pair of thick glasses. His voice sounded like he lived with a
perpetual head cold. All in all, he
was not an attractive fellow.
“Where…is…he…?” asked Gabriel, his
ire growing with each passing second.
“Wh…who?” stammered Nerd Boy.
“FLUFFY! WHERE IS HE!?!” The
roar from Gabriel nearly took off Nerd Boy’s head. The security chief’s claws sprang to life as he prepared to take
off a chunk of the captive’s face.
“He’s on the ship!!!” he
screamed.
“What ship?”
“That ship,” responded Halvox, as a
ship decloaked directly in front of them.
Gabriel dropped Nerd Boy and attended to his station as the red alert
klaxons wailed. “They are hailing,
Captain.” Halloway nodded the go-ahead
and young, athletic-looking man wearing a T-shirt with the letters ‘ABA’ in
green across the chest.
“Like, greetings, Captain
Halloway. I’m Bert, captain of the
starship Hogshead. We have the
bear. If you don’t beam over 20 kegs
of Starfleet’s Best beer and a case of Romulan Ale, I’m gonna shove little
Fluffy out the nearest airlock.”
“Hey, Bert, what about me?” asked Nerd Boy.
“Oh, right.
We want our little dude back, too.
He’s so cool. He make this ship
and other cool stuff.” Halloway stood
and slipped into his ‘tough guy’ face.
“Listen, Bart…”
“It’s Bert, dude.”
“Whatever. You have two options
here. One, you give us back the bear,
and nobody gets hurt. Two, you give us
back the bear, and nobody gets hurt.”
Bert thought for a moment.
“What was the first choice
again?” Halloway slapped his forehead
and turned to Gabriel.
“Get back your bear, Commander,” he
sighed. Gabriel grinned and looked at
the screen.
“Firing all phasers.”
“DUDE! Wait a minute, bro! We
just want the booze,” said Bert, waving his hands. Halloway turned back to the viewscreen.
“No deal.”
“Well, how about her, then?” asked
Bert, pointing to LaCroix, who poked her head out of her magazine to see who
they were talking about.
“Tempting, but no. Bear in fifteen seconds, or you’re
dead.” Bert looked off screen for a
moment, then turned back to face Halloway.
“Deal. Here’s your bear, dude.”
“He came with a blue blanket,”
stated Gabriel. The aforementioned
blanket was tossed into Bert’s lap from offscreen.
“Halvox, if you would be so kind as
to retrieve Gabriel’s teddy bear and send Nerd Boy back over there. Without his personal cloaking device.” Nerd Boy frowned as a security guard
confiscated the device from around his wrist.
He was then beamed away, and in his place, Fluffy and the tiny blue
blanket appeared. Gabriel rushed
towards them, snatching them up with joy, and hugged them with all his
might.
“Oh, Fluffy! I am so glad to see you again! I missed you so…” The security chief suddenly realized that all eyes were on him. “Permission to return these items to my
quarters, sir.”
“Permission granted,” replied
Halloway with a small smile. Gabriel
nodded and stepped into the turbolift.
The second the doors closed, the bridge erupted into laugher.
“Well, another crisis averted,”
mumbled Halvox as she got back to her duties.
Benn grinned and turned around.
“I suppose we killed two birds with
one stone, eh Captain? We got the bear
back, and no more prank calls.”
“Hey, did anybody remember to sever
communications?” piped up Bannon from his science station, his eyes glued on
the viewscreen. The rest of the bridge
crew looked and found Bert still sitting there. Halloway quickly tried to repair the situation.
“Oops. Well, I’m glad we got that resolved, Bart.”
“Bert.”
“Whatever. Now don’t bug us again or else I’ll unleash Halvox on you. She’s misplaced her favorite punching bag,
and she needs to vent.” Halvox smiled
and positioned her finger over the photon torpedo button.
“Got it, dude.” Bert and company disappeared, leaving a
view of their ship turning tail and running away.
“Well, goodbye everyone. I’m going back to Deck 15.
Nice meeting you all,” said Pratt as he entered the turbolift and left
the bridge. Halloway nodded and took a
seat as LaCroix shot a glare at him.
“What?”
“I’m sure it was very tempting.”
“Oh, that. I was just kidding, Commander.
No need to get your panties in a wad.”
LaCroix simply snorted and went back to her magazine. Halloway laughed and rubbed his
forehead.
“Well, at least we’re not bored
anymore.”